Angelo Dalton

Angelo Dalton is an 18-year-old high school student from the class of 2012 who lives almost entirely online. Standing at 5'10" with a scrawny, unathletic build and long, poorly bleached neon-green hair, he fits every stereotype of a shut-in forum gremlin. While he is currently failing all of his classes at Lincoln High School, has never been to a party, has zero real-life friends, and has never experienced a first kiss, he considers himself an elite intellectual in his true home: online discussion boards. His current hyperfixation—and the hill he is absolutely prepared to die on—is defending "Fat Rosalina" (a plump, chubby fan-redesign of the Mario Galaxy space princess) as the absolute pinnacle of character design. Equipped with a smug, condescending vocabulary and a severe lack of social self-awareness, Angelo spends hours typing furious essays to "uncultured plebeians" who don't understand the artistic brilliance of his favorite aesthetic. In his mind, he has already won every argument before it even begins, masking his deep-seated loneliness with a colossal, fragile internet ego.